I’ve been running with the moon. We chase hours before dawn while she tells me stories about the sun and each time i think of you. She asks how i’ve been but I think she notices the down twist that replaced my smile. In fact, everybody is asking questions i cannot comprehend lately. My ears began closing their doors to any “the grass is greener on the other side” visitors. They don’t see the way my insides cringe. Why would i desire greener grass when there is a man who grew a garden out of me? I look at everybody as if their absurd, when deep down the flowers you planted inside my loneliest parts faded like autumn leaves. Fool i’ve been thinking i grew tough skin over this naive heart. love is nothing more than a losing game for us.
i was thinking back this morning to the evening we sat on the park bench during sundown. i remembered the way you sat beside me and how you took a moment of silence, turning to me with such poise. nerves rattled your bones but your mouth offered the sweet words of “nice eyes” and i looked at you, only to be blessed by a smirk of a thousand suns. you grabbed my hand without a gesture and i dived myself into the swaying spectrum across twilight skies that found it’s way to your sea green’s. your presence was the greatest honor. and it tears my chest apart remembering these moments i once lived in the company of someone who filled my world with color. you gave living a definition but also stripped the magic right out of me. never did i plan on losing you. i still see you when i sleep and there’s no way of escaping nostalgia. we were brought together by fate and although you couldn’t stay long, i thank the universe everyday for the chance to shake hands your with your soul.
we grew apart and absence makes the heart grow fonder is what i feared the most between us. without you, my world is hushed but my home became loud. you`re still connected to my roots; it terrifies me. how do i not feel you everywhere i go? i saw a piece of art today resting upon a wall. sunshine reflected, kissing the painting perfectly; my trembling feet stood to think of you. eyes blinded to the picture, light rays echoed the lonely walls as my heart crumbled before my hands. you’re gone and you ushered the sun alongside. i wanted to fade from everything until the moon emerged darkness, cradling me through my despair. people are asking how i’ve been lately but i’ve built a lump in my throat every time i speak so they tell me time heals all. until i’m left alone; time is all i have and my eyes dance the pages of poems i never held the backbone to give you.
my world thanks you for coming into light. you were the perfect hideaway. i spent many nights paying no mind at the moon for open ears. numerous mornings never needed suns rays, for just you were enough to bloom yellow daisies outside my skin. here’s me burning my pride to admit things are empty in the absence of you and internal voids are no fun. apologies for letting you down. i realized myself being selfish with my grip, but tell me how couldn’t one be when coming across such divinity as yourself although my words don’t do you justice. your ancient spirit and immense heart are a gravitational pull. not in a million years are you to be forgotten. my soulmate.
did you watch the sunset this evening? it reminded me of us. i tasted you there and felt you like electricity along my static edges. ache quickly deep-seated in my chest as the dusk enfolded me. I come to think of that quote of all beautiful things must come to an end and that very well may be true because the crack of dawn is never promised. so I’m taking all that i have left of you and i, to be gently sheltered where I’ll always remember the beauty at the beginning before we died. I feel defeated. all i wanted was to hold you close until my bones collapsed. but I failt at a lot of things. like pretending I don’t love you, when I do. they also say if you love something set it free and if it comes back to you, it’s yours. I guess now it’s the waiting game because I’m finally done chasing winds, love.
I aspire to be the love you seek in each lifetime.
I look at you and wonder how someone can beat the ease of the wind. For someone who portrays them self as a wound to the world, you walk with remarkable grace. I look at your arms, oh God, they remind me of velvet clouds. and as tempting as it is to jump right into them, I have this urge to plunge the depths of my chest, curl my fingers around my trembling heart and strip it entirely from these strings, to be carefully placed in the palm of your coarse hands. I waive my right to apologize for every gaze into your lucid eyes, but they have become my favorite place to visit. i search for peace in your vaults of heaven swirled into a grassland, just to marvel at the sunset you`ve been hiding beneath your vessel. no wonder you never cease to fill me with warmth. and for the longest time I thought it was the gates of your smile, but it was the melody of your vocal cords that brought back that remembrance of where home actually is.