i was thinking back this morning to the evening we sat on the park bench during sundown. i remembered the way you sat beside me and how you took a moment of silence, turning to me with such poise. nerves rattled your bones but your mouth offered the sweet words of “nice eyes” and i looked at you, only to be blessed by a smirk of a thousand suns. you grabbed my hand without a gesture and i dived myself into the swaying spectrum across twilight skies that found it’s way to your sea green’s. your presence was the greatest honor. and it tears my chest apart remembering these moments i once lived in the company of someone who filled my world with color. you gave living a definition but also stripped the magic right out of me. never did i plan on losing you. i still see you when i sleep and there’s no way of escaping nostalgia. we were brought together by fate and although you couldn’t stay long, i thank the universe everyday for the chance to shake hands your with your soul.
we grew apart and absence makes the heart grow fonder is what i feared the most between us. without you, my world is hushed but my home became loud. you`re still connected to my roots; it terrifies me. how do i not feel you everywhere i go? i saw a piece of art today resting upon a wall. sunshine reflected, kissing the painting perfectly; my trembling feet stood to think of you. eyes blinded to the picture, light rays echoed the lonely walls as my heart crumbled before my hands. you’re gone and you ushered the sun alongside. i wanted to fade from everything until the moon emerged darkness, cradling me through my despair. people are asking how i’ve been lately but i’ve built a lump in my throat every time i speak so they tell me time heals all. until i’m left alone; time is all i have and my eyes dance the pages of poems i never held the backbone to give you.
you are my favorite shade of blue.
and as you walked into my world, you brought a spectrum in the center of your palm.
first time standing parallel to your deity, nervous struck my body but somehow your voice managed to shatter the stillness of silence in my mind and your laugh played like a violin to my ears.
i could never put in picture, but the resilience of flowers remind me of your backbone.
with bewildered eyes, time slips through frail fingertips that are scared to no longer hold you and slowly, watch you descend into my pocket of amnesia.
my heart hurts to hug goodbye, for i am not ready to welcome blurred vision behind eyelids which will form watercolor to solitary days.
formed watercolors in
letting you go feels like 100 burning knives puncturing my tender heart.and i’m not sure which one stings more.
those blades or holding onto someone i’ll never be good enough for.